Dear Friend,
Jon is standing just to my left.
The music is playing. The parents have walked. And then there she is.
One of my dearest friends, Katie, looking impossibly beautiful, walking beneath an arch of flowers and down the aisle into the middle of the most abundant garden.
She joins us at the altar, just to my right.
They take each other’s hands.
They’re a tad nervous, absolutely glowing, completely present.
Then they both turn and look at me. Eighty people fall silent.
I think to myself, God, I hope I do this justice.
I take a deep breath, and:
“We are gathered here today...”
I ask the same first question of every couple I am lucky enough to officiate for:
“Why get married?”
These days anything goes. You can love each other without getting married. You can get married without having a wedding. You can build a partnership and a family in a hundred different ways. Why are you choosing this form?
This is usually met with a long pause.
By the time we have our first session, the wedding has taken on a life of its own. They’re six spreadsheets deep. Someone’s aunt has opinions about the venue. Version 3 of the seating chart has some family members strategically separated. And at least one text thread has spiraled into an unnecessary discussion about napkins.
For four sessions, we get to slow all of that down. And we remember that before there were thematic colors and tasting appointments, there were simply two people who wanted to spend their lives together. That’s the part we get to come back to. They get a break from budgets and vendors. I get to ask the questions that possibly no one else has asked. Together, we build a ceremony that sounds like them, instead of a generic idea of love. It might just be my most favorite “job” of all.
And that first question… well it’s a funny one coming from me.
I’ve been married and divorced. Engaged again. And then, in a way, divorced from the marriage that never was. I’ve studied marriage and wedding ceremonies as part of seminary. Officiated 10 weddings, with lucky number 11 coming up in September. And today I find myself living in London, single, watching roughly half my friends walk toward marriage while the other half wonder whether the institution itself still makes sense.
Back in 2013, this was me:
