Slow Time

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Slow Time

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Slow Time

Blessing or Curse?

Natalie Kuhn

Dec 22, 2024

Transcript

There’s something both terrifying and sacred about reaching the edge - of a year, of an identity, of a chapter.

And here we all are, careening toward what might just be D) all of the above. Here we are on the cusp of holidays and at the end of 2024.

To give you some context, The Kuhns are those people at this time of the year. Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving. Multiple holiday playlists begin their rotation. Our dog, Smooch, gets another Christmas sweater added to his closet which only consists of Christmas sweaters.

The Kuhns embrace Christmas the way small sugar-filled children embrace a piñata at a birthday party - maniacal excitement, zero chill, and let’s call it a ~~concerning~~… passionate level of intensity.

And at this time, few things bring me more joy that planning a holiday dinner party for loved ones. Lucky me, Kevin and I got to have my Dad and his girlfriend Kathleen over on Wednesday, for Christmas dinner, since we’ll be at Kevin’s family’s this year.

But this isn’t just any Christmas.
This is the Christmas my dad retires.

After 50 years as a physician, he’s days away from hanging up his white coat. My dad - it chokes me up even writing about it - is one of the best humans on the planet. And trust me, from working with people’s intimate lives and troubles for the last however-many-years, I am keenly aware of how rare and privileged it is to make such a statement.

This guy was raised by Irish immigrants who came to the States with nothing. As the old story goes, Grandma Kuhn would use the same tea bag three times to stretch every ounce of what they had. For my dad, doubling down on education was his way out, but the stakes were high: get into med school or face the draft. He practically lived in the library until he became an MD. And even after, my fondest memories are with him in the public library as a kid.

And most recently, when COVID hit, he was the Director of the ICU, as the head pulmonologist. He saw every - single - COVID patient - from the beginning of COVID.

He’s been working 12 days on, 2 days off from long before I was born. I often liken his dedication to that of the military—something almost superhuman about that loyalty, and certainly foreign to my generation.

And in 10 days, all of that will… well, end.

The long hours. The adrenaline rushes. The on-call demands. Being needed in the way he has been for five decades.

Understandably, he’s terrified.

Earlier that week, I mentioned my dad’s retirement in my study group, explaining how I planned to suggest things like standing coffee dates to help him adjust. Marcy, a retired woman in the group gently offered:

“With all due respect, Nat, young people think they know what us elders need. But you don’t. Yet. What we really need are others like us. We’re not dead. We’re not in a home. We’re wise. We’re vital. And the hardest adjustment is our new relationship to time.”

She popped her number into the chat to pass to my dad.

Woof.

That changed something deep for me.
Specifically, her words reframed how I would approach my dad that evening.

Cut to dinner:

Dad called to say they were five minutes away. I wiped my hands on my apron, cracked the front door open, and returned to the kitchen to finish prepping.

As I’m closing the oven door, I hear a man & woman’s voice: “ho ho ho!” And THIS is the brilliant scene that I’m greeted to.

Dad and Kathleen had fully decked themselves in head-to-toe elf costumes, complete with not just presents in tow, but - obvs - with Christmas sweater for their dog.

Was there a dress code for the evening? No.
Was this completely voluntary? Absolutely.
Are Dad and Kathleen the stuff of legends? 100.

We spent the first 15 minutes riffing on how warm it was in LA compared to the North Pole, debating which of them wrapped presents better, and whether their sleigh was ready for next week. OH - AND - to top it off, they brought elf outfits for us, which we couldn’t put on fast enough.

Finally, we sat down for dinner, and I took my chance—not just to offer Dad a standing coffee date, as was the plan, but to plant a seed for something more expansive. Maybe retirement didn’t just have to mean the end of what he’s known for 50 years; it could be an opening—a chance to embrace a new rhythm and community, as my classmate Marcy had suggested.

And in fact, it is: D) all of the above.

Thankfully, one of my favorite poets, John O’Donohue, has a blessing that says it better than I ever could. I read it aloud:

BLESSING FOR RETIREMENT
John O’Donohue

This is where your life has arrived,
After all the years of effort and toil;
Look back with graciousness and thanks
On all your great and quiet achievements
You stand on the shore of new invitation
To open your life to what is left undone;
Let your heart enjoy a different rhythm
When drawn to the wonder of other horizons.
Have the courage for a new approach to time;
Allow it to slow until you find freedom
To draw alongside the mystery you hold
And befriend your own beauty of soul.
Now is the time to enjoy your heart’s desire,
To live the dreams you’ve waited for,
To awaken the depths beyond your work
And enter into your infinite source.

And well, it worked.

Dad visibly softened. Removed his glasses and wiped his eyes.

A brief silence.

And then he said: “that was really good.”

And we carried on with dinner.

Friends, I’ve read that blessing at minimum once a day since. And each time, it becomes more and more holographic. Because, boy does it hit the bull’s eye for those crossing the sacred threshold into retirement, but in a recent reading, it landed for me too. And then I realized… wait, in some way, isn’t this all of us at the end of 2024?

Aren’t we all about to - retire 2024?

As you read this, most of you on SUNday, we’re just now entering into our yearly suspension of time. Where the rhythm of our lives change. Regardless of how the time signature changes, quick or slow, the relationship to time morphs. The everyday routine gives way to this brief two week period where we seem to hover just above familiarity.

And if we’re lucky, we might just use some of it to consider even just that first line: “this is where your life has arrived.”

At the end of 2024, here you are. And where might that be, for you??

We too might also: “Look back with graciousness and thanks on all your great and quiet achievements.” At the very least, such profound gratitude for living under safe skies.

2024 was hard, and thinking of those achievements not, amidst it all - somehow, boy we managed to do some pretty great stuff, eh?

And now, “You stand on the shore of a new invitation” - What is that for you, in this breath between years - worlds - versions of you?

“Let your heart enjoy a different rhythm” - ooof, what immediately came to mind?

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My hope for all of us, where three holidays miraculously align on the same week - Christmas, Hannukah, and Kwanza - that we all “might allow it to slow until you find freedom to draw alongside the mystery you hold and befriend your own beauty of soul.”

Can’t you just see it - its so close, if not here already: Feet up. On couch. Crafting a moment either to be with yourself or possibly with loved ones. Hopefully accompanied by marshmallows in a warm cuppa. As if to say, “now is the time to enjoy your heart’s desire.”

And if we’re reeeeeeally lucky this holiday season, we might just lay down all swords, all hamster wheels, all google meets, and “Awaken the depths beyond your work, and enter into your infinite source.”

We might consider it again:

BLESSING FOR RETIREMENT… of 2024 ;)
John O’Donohue

This is where your life has arrived,
After all the years of effort and toil;
Look back with graciousness and thanks
On all your great and quiet achievements.
You stand on the shore of new invitation
To open your life to what is left undone;
Let your heart enjoy a different rhythm
When drawn to the wonder of other horizons.
Have the courage for a new approach to time;
Allow it to slow until you find freedom
To draw alongside the mystery you hold
And befriend your own beauty of soul.
Now is the time to enjoy your heart’s desire,
To live the dreams you’ve waited for,
To awaken the depths beyond your work
And enter into your infinite source.