I Refuse to Die by Shark Attack

A memoir

Absolutely not could I join my girlfriends in 4 weeks to take 2 flights and drive 6 hours in a rental car across Panama to a friend’s house that I barely knew. It’s way too far, in too short a time, and there’s too much to do.

But FOMO is a magical motivator and shortly after it was confirmed that Brooke (get into her substack!) and Jill already had their flights, I got a case of the “fuck-its” and just did the damn thing: bought the tickets on miles, moved meetings, and off we went.

Brooke, Jill, and I met up in the Atlanta Airport and began catching up, as girlfriends do, as if we hadn’t been texting each other literally every day leading up to this moment, feverishly asking questions about the big topics, wanting more detail, interrupting only to say “you’re skipping, go back, say more.”

The joke was that we didn’t really know why we all decided to say yes to this epic journey to get to a remote beach to visit a new friend, but as we kept saying, it felt like a “spiritual appointment” and we’d all know why by the end.

Before we continue, it’s important to enumerate what requirements make up a Girls Trip (or Friends Trip): no partners, good beds, great coffee. Highly recommend as the cure all of all things, most of the time.

After what essentially was a 48 hour journey to arrive at Leanne’s door, she’s telling us more about this remote town saying, “no one in their right mind would fly and drive all this way to this particular beach, if they weren’t going to surf.” As a card carrying member of the “I Refuse to Die by Shark Attack” Club, that was news to me. In the sheer velocity of FOMO that hit me when buying these flights, I must have missed the part where this was… a surf destination.

Huh.

You see, if we’ve ever had a conversation that involved any body of water of any kind, you have undoubtedly heard me say “If you taste salt, there are sharks.” Thanks to my older brother, I am one of *those* that saw Jaws too early in life and repeatedly had panic attacks in various waters imagining the Spielberg great white, sans-buoy careening toward me, and have committed to leaving the water to the sharks, stingrays, and new one for me here in Panama: river-mouth crocodiles. (Cool.)

But again, it wasn’t my sheer will or my profound courage that got me into the water on the 3rd day, it was FOMO. I am not above it. As it turns out, I’m FOMO’s prime target.

After Brooke and Jill reported of warm water, friendly waves, and absolutely zero sign of sea life, I chose to join the “party” and consider Luis, not just our surf instructor, but my personal oceanic bodyguard.

But I couldn’t have known that his real role would be that of Guru Luis, dropping gems I’ll save for decades to come. Please allow me to share with you the top 3 ridiculously simple, but easily forgotten, life lessons learned and earned from hopping on a board:

1. JOIN THEM.

As I did the “stingray shuffle” into the waves with Luis by my side, I half-joked, “Luis, you might just want to lie to me and tell me there are no stingrays, sharks, or crocs on Fridays.”

Luis said, “Natalia, everything is in the ocean. Everything is in your mind. Join them.”

JEZUS. Well… OH-KAY, Luis. Strong move.

Not sure if it was the right time and right place, or the fact that Brooke and Jill were already ‘paddling out’ (did you catch that surfer’s lingo?), looking like Kelley Slater’s kin out there, but suddenly the “me versus the sharks” mentality dissolved with those two words: join them.

Most people say some version of “sharks don’t want to eat you,” which, of course, prompts my stock response: “Unless they’re hungry.” But I had never considered the simplicity of join them. I wasn’t just thinking about sharks—I was thinking about the investor meetings ahead that had my nerves on edge (cue: Shark Tank theme song), the sharp-toothed stories I tell myself that still lurk beneath the surface, and the childhood panic attacks I had in the water, convinced that sharks would come out of nowhere. And with that simple instruction, my next thought was, “Eh, let’s be done with the old story.” Oddly - it was just that fast. Instead of listing all the ways things could go wrong in my mind and in the ocean, I could just… join them.

That was just the beginning… the next two are where it gets real good (free subscribers, gotta leave this goodness for the upgrade, come along for the ride!).

2. REGULATE TO ACCELERATE.